Shared Parenting

Whew, what a crazy 3 weeks it has been! It's been a long time since we've had a 1-year-old! Moms of little ones, here's a shout out to you, because honestly I forgot how exhausting it can be! She is into everything. If you were to walk through my house right now, you would see tupperware, shoes, toys, movies, snacks, torn up tissues, movies, and lots of other things laying all around the floor, all from one tiny little person. I literally can not keep up with cleaning up after her. I will be investing in some more cabinet locks and a trashcan with a lid this week!

Poor baby was sick all last week, and boy was she a grouch. It is is emotionally and mentally draining to deal with a crabby, whiny baby all day long! You tell her no, and she falls on the floor crying hysterically. What a drama queen! But as crazy as life is for us right now, I can't help but smile and think about how awesome my God and His plans are. I wouldn't trade this for anything. It still hasn't completely sunk in that she's back. I love this little girl so much, and this is something I prayed for so hard! I just never imagined I'd be pregnant when she came back. I am kicking myself because just a few months ago I got rid of my perfectly good double stroller. In three months, I will have a newborn and an 18-month old. I am definitely going to need another double stroller.

I wanted to talk a little bit about shared parenting. If you are a foster parent or thinking about becoming one, this is something you will learn about. When we were in our training classes, they told us that when we have children, we need to practice shared parenting, which means keeping the parents in the loop, sending them pictures, updates, asking their advice or opinions on things, etc. My first thought was that was crazy, and I had no intention of buddying up with these parents and asking their advice. If anything, they needed my advice. When we got baby J, and the social worker asked me to reach out to mom and update her on how she was doing, I had this horrible pit in my stomach.

As I made the phone call, my hands were shaking, and I honestly thought that mom would think I was rubbing it in her face that I had her baby and she didn't. She sounded so relieved that I had called, and thanked me for letting her know that her baby was okay. She gave me her email address, and over the next few weeks, I sent her regular updates and pictures. It was definitely awkward for me, and as I told her about all the special firsts she had, doctor appointments, and just little details like how she smiled while she slept, mom started to trust me, and see the love I had for her child. As time went on, it became natural, and we developed a relationship. I was even invited to stay for some of the visitations, and felt very included in the family. I worked extra hard to build my relationship with the family, and when we learned that J would be leaving us to live with her grandma, I was so sad, but so thankful that there was a relationship there. After J left, the family still sent me pictures and updates on how she was doing, and while I missed her terribly, it was not a complete loss. I was even invited to come to a couple of the visitations and see her.

When grandma realized that she could no longer care for J, she told the social worker, "I don't want her to go anywhere but Anna's house. I know how much she loves her, and I can trust her to take good care of her." I can not tell you what that meant to me. Had I not built this trust and relationship, she might not be back here with us now. It can be hard. In our case, wanting to adopt so badly, deep down I felt like I didn't want to share too much, or to be too encouraging because honestly I didn't want her to go back. I had to constantly remind myself that God had a plan, and I needed to stop meddling and trust Him. I needed to share Christ's love with them, and use this opportunity to share the gospel with these people. It was a huge lesson in trust for me, and looking back, I can see his plan coming together, and am so thankful that He knows best! Even if your child is not meant to come back to you, you still have a chance to be in their lives. You still have a requirement to share the gospel with people, and really its such a beautiful opportunity to do so. When most people would be judgmental of the families, you show them love, understanding, patience, and compassion, and what better way to share Christ?!

As far as how long J will be with us, we still don't know for sure, but I think it's safe to say that she will be here at least through October. They have court in October, and we will find out then if they make changes to her permanency plan. Once again, I am having to remind myself that God has a plan, and just trust him with that. Please be praying for us, that I would have more chances to share the gospel with the family, and no matter the outcome, God would be glorified!