You guys know I'm a huge advocate for foster care. Fostering has its challenges for sure, but it's so rewarding, and we can do so much good for these kids, even if it is for a short while. We are with the Boys and Girls Homes, and I love them. Our social workers are amazing, caring, understanding women, and they have been a huge support to us in tough times. If you are interested in fostering, or maybe you aren't sure, but out of curiosity would like to know more, these ladies would love to come out and talk to a group of you, your church, or whatever, and just tell you more about what they do and how the process works. I know there is a lot of interest because I have had so many people reach out to me because of our story and my blog wanting more information. Let me know, and I can get you in touch.
Every year the Boys and Girls Homes have a foster parent training day, and this was our second year going. Both times it has been amazing. We learn so much about parenting, from tough, damaged kids to our own fairly well-behaved kids. We took the kids with us this year. As I dropped the kids off at the babysitting station, I worried about baby J being without us for 5 hours, like she couldn't survive without us. I gave her a kiss and walked out the door while she yelled, "Mama! Mama!" 5 1/2 hours later we walk in there to pick her up, and 5 teenage girls run up to me saying, "Oh my goodness, is this your baby?! So is SO cute! We were all fighting over her. We just love her! Everyone wanted to hold her!" I look over at J who is just babbling and flirting and charming everyone. You guys, I wish I could post a picture of this baby for you all to see, but trust me when I say she is so stinking cute! And you know I had her nails painted, her chunky bead necklace on, her rhinestone sandals, and a big ole flowery headband on her. She is a diva, and what can I say, I've always loved dressing up baby dolls! =P
Anyways, I'd like to share a little of what I learned this year. This is probably going to be a huge shock to some of you, but I'm not what you would call a morning person. I'm more of a morning monster, and I'll be honest, my poor kids suffer because of it. My husband is a night owl because of personality and work, so the mornings are all up to me. I roll out of bed after hitting snooze as many times as possible, cursing myself because I've overslept and now we have to rush. I go in their room and yell at them to "Get up right NOW or you're going to be late!" (Like it was their fault.) I scramble around the kitchen getting lunches together, making sure bags are packed and so fourth. I change J's diaper, yell at them that they better be out here in TWO MINUTES or else they will regret the day they were born, and grab them a granola bar because we didn't have time for breakfast.
As we get in the car 5 minutes later than we should have, I lecture them the whole way to school about how irresponsible it is for them to sleep in and make us rush to school, and almost late every day. As I speed through yellow stoplights, think about flipping off several other drivers who have the audacity to get in front of me and drive slow, and groan in frustration at the long car line, the boys just sit quietly nibbling on their granola bars. As we pull up to the drop off spot, I tell them I love them and to have a great day and learn a lot. I'm sure that gives them warm, fuzzy feelings after being yelled at all morning. I drive home feeling guilty, and I pray for forgiveness, and tell myself tomorrow morning will be better. What a terrible example I am! How short I fall in showing them God's love and patience and kindness! This is not our story every morning, but it does happen sometimes, and when I am cranky, I can find it very hard to control myself.
Yesterday's big lesson was basically this: The quickest way to change a child's behavior is to control your own. Bam. There it was, in my face. I have a terrible time with that sometimes. When I am particularly tired, stressed, and have had a bad day, I am a terrible mom. The boys will be fighting over something, usually one particular angel irritating the snot out of the other one, and when I've had enough, I will SLAM the pot down that I'm cooking in, STOMP over into the living room, and yell at them that, "IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOURSELVES, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THE WORST TROUBLE OF YOUR LIFE!!!" What am I communicating to them? Because I'm certainly not modeling self-control. It sounds so obvious, but in the heat of the moment, I forget myself, and my ugliness comes out. I am so thankful for my savior who has covered all my sins, past and present, but I feel so sorry for my kids who still have to endure my sin! Cory and I talked on the way home, both feeling very convicted. We came up with a code word to use in case one of us is starting to loose our patience and our cool. And I am asking you all to pray for us too. Parenting can be so hard sometimes, right? Especially when the one who is supposed to be a good example is failing miserably!
Another good thing we learned was sometimes discipline, which means 'to teach', is better served as a patient lesson rather than a consequence. If your child is obviously upset and says something rude and uncalled for, instead of jumping on them with, "You don't speak to me that way, you are so grounded!" try this. "I know that you know what you just said to me was wrong. And that tells me that whatever it is on your mind is bothering you more than any consequence I could give you. So here's what I want you to do. Grab some chips, I'll grab the salsa, and we'll meet outside on the patio in 2 minutes so that you can tell me what's upsetting you, and I can help you find a better way to deal with it." That teaches the child 2 things: How to deal with issues rather than taking them out on someone, and that they can always come to you when they are upset. How likely will they come to you when they need you if they know you're just going to yell, get mad and ground them? And some kids listen better when they aren't looking you in the eye. There was so much more that we learned, but it was a 5-hour talk, so I'm not going to repeat it all. But seriously good stuff!
This week I am praying intentionally for myself, my husband, and all the other struggling parents out there. Parenting is hard, but it's the most important job that we have. But I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Anyways, I'd like to share a little of what I learned this year. This is probably going to be a huge shock to some of you, but I'm not what you would call a morning person. I'm more of a morning monster, and I'll be honest, my poor kids suffer because of it. My husband is a night owl because of personality and work, so the mornings are all up to me. I roll out of bed after hitting snooze as many times as possible, cursing myself because I've overslept and now we have to rush. I go in their room and yell at them to "Get up right NOW or you're going to be late!" (Like it was their fault.) I scramble around the kitchen getting lunches together, making sure bags are packed and so fourth. I change J's diaper, yell at them that they better be out here in TWO MINUTES or else they will regret the day they were born, and grab them a granola bar because we didn't have time for breakfast.
As we get in the car 5 minutes later than we should have, I lecture them the whole way to school about how irresponsible it is for them to sleep in and make us rush to school, and almost late every day. As I speed through yellow stoplights, think about flipping off several other drivers who have the audacity to get in front of me and drive slow, and groan in frustration at the long car line, the boys just sit quietly nibbling on their granola bars. As we pull up to the drop off spot, I tell them I love them and to have a great day and learn a lot. I'm sure that gives them warm, fuzzy feelings after being yelled at all morning. I drive home feeling guilty, and I pray for forgiveness, and tell myself tomorrow morning will be better. What a terrible example I am! How short I fall in showing them God's love and patience and kindness! This is not our story every morning, but it does happen sometimes, and when I am cranky, I can find it very hard to control myself.
Yesterday's big lesson was basically this: The quickest way to change a child's behavior is to control your own. Bam. There it was, in my face. I have a terrible time with that sometimes. When I am particularly tired, stressed, and have had a bad day, I am a terrible mom. The boys will be fighting over something, usually one particular angel irritating the snot out of the other one, and when I've had enough, I will SLAM the pot down that I'm cooking in, STOMP over into the living room, and yell at them that, "IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOURSELVES, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THE WORST TROUBLE OF YOUR LIFE!!!" What am I communicating to them? Because I'm certainly not modeling self-control. It sounds so obvious, but in the heat of the moment, I forget myself, and my ugliness comes out. I am so thankful for my savior who has covered all my sins, past and present, but I feel so sorry for my kids who still have to endure my sin! Cory and I talked on the way home, both feeling very convicted. We came up with a code word to use in case one of us is starting to loose our patience and our cool. And I am asking you all to pray for us too. Parenting can be so hard sometimes, right? Especially when the one who is supposed to be a good example is failing miserably!
Another good thing we learned was sometimes discipline, which means 'to teach', is better served as a patient lesson rather than a consequence. If your child is obviously upset and says something rude and uncalled for, instead of jumping on them with, "You don't speak to me that way, you are so grounded!" try this. "I know that you know what you just said to me was wrong. And that tells me that whatever it is on your mind is bothering you more than any consequence I could give you. So here's what I want you to do. Grab some chips, I'll grab the salsa, and we'll meet outside on the patio in 2 minutes so that you can tell me what's upsetting you, and I can help you find a better way to deal with it." That teaches the child 2 things: How to deal with issues rather than taking them out on someone, and that they can always come to you when they are upset. How likely will they come to you when they need you if they know you're just going to yell, get mad and ground them? And some kids listen better when they aren't looking you in the eye. There was so much more that we learned, but it was a 5-hour talk, so I'm not going to repeat it all. But seriously good stuff!
This week I am praying intentionally for myself, my husband, and all the other struggling parents out there. Parenting is hard, but it's the most important job that we have. But I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
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