It has been almost 3 months since we found out it wasn't going to work out with Victoria. It's been a challenging time. I guess sometimes I'm surprised at how much it affected us. We had never even met her. How could she have this big of an impact? Every time I saw her picture, it would bring back that sadness, but I couldn't bring myself to delete it. I still get a little upset when we talk about her. But we are talking about her, and maybe even accepting the fact that it's time to move on. I suppose I still held on hope that something might work out. I still feel deep down that she should have been ours, and it's hard to accept that she's not. Cory and I were talking about her the other night, and he opened up about how hard it was for him. I knew he was hurting far more than he let on, but I wish guys would talk about things during that difficult time.
Part of moving on is looking back into children's profiles. We sat down and did this a few weeks after it happened, and I found myself getting cranky, and even a little angry. I guess I wasn't ready for that yet. But we are looking again. I still haven't heard back from our NC foster care people, and I know state agencies tend to move slowly. We are still approved in Texas, however, and they have a lot more children on their list. We've submitted a few inquiries, and I'm waiting to hear back from those. Sometimes they take forever, though. It's frustrating. I'm hoping they don't keep turning us down because we're out of state. We've checked every profile very carefully for that little statement before inquiring.
I'm starting to wonder if God's plans for us are different than our plans. I think He may have used this experience to make us more open, and that is something that we're praying about. I feel like maybe we put too many limits on what we would consider, and God is putting us through this to make us more open to what He has planned. Please pray for us! We need guidance and patience and wisdom. I'm going to let God take the lead on this, and just see what He has in store!
But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” 1 Corinthians 2:9
