Times of Uncertainty

I'm sitting here holding this beautiful baby girl. We've had her all but 3 days of her whole life. When we decided to be foster parents, I didn't realize how hard it would be. The emotions I have felt have been so strong and so real. I have spent the last two weeks praying and asking God to fix my attitude and give me peace about this situation. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. 

It's no secret that I wanted a baby. She is so beautiful and perfect as she can be. Ever since bringing her home from the hospital, I've had to tell myself that she's not ours, but I didn't listen to myself very well. I love this girl like she was my own, and it's hard not to feel defensive or upset when they talk about taking her away. As far as what's going to happen, it could go either way. Children have to be in foster care for at least year before the parent's rights can be terminated. That gives the parents a chance to get their life back together. If that doesn't happen, then they can make them legally free for adoption. They usually give the foster parents the option of adopting them first. 

In our case, they are looking for relatives that would be willing to take her and are able to pass all their inspections and background checks, and relatives are always given priority. Knowing what I do about this case, which isn't a whole lot, that thought scares me. I feel like she would be so much better off with us, and I fear that putting her back into that situation will result in a difficult life, possibly in and out of foster care, and most importantly, a life unexposed to Jesus. But I have to remember that Jesus loves this little girl more than I do, and God's plan for her is better than mine, He knows all things, and He won't be surprised when things turn out "unexpectedly". There are so many obstacles in our way of being able to one day adopt her, and either God is going to work all these things out, and when we look back on it, it will be an amazing and breathtaking story where you can see his work, and give Him all the glory. Or she will be leaving us, and we just have to trust God. 

Here are some promises I'm leaning on.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world! John 16:33