Shared Parenting

Whew, what a crazy 3 weeks it has been! It's been a long time since we've had a 1-year-old! Moms of little ones, here's a shout out to you, because honestly I forgot how exhausting it can be! She is into everything. If you were to walk through my house right now, you would see tupperware, shoes, toys, movies, snacks, torn up tissues, movies, and lots of other things laying all around the floor, all from one tiny little person. I literally can not keep up with cleaning up after her. I will be investing in some more cabinet locks and a trashcan with a lid this week!

Poor baby was sick all last week, and boy was she a grouch. It is is emotionally and mentally draining to deal with a crabby, whiny baby all day long! You tell her no, and she falls on the floor crying hysterically. What a drama queen! But as crazy as life is for us right now, I can't help but smile and think about how awesome my God and His plans are. I wouldn't trade this for anything. It still hasn't completely sunk in that she's back. I love this little girl so much, and this is something I prayed for so hard! I just never imagined I'd be pregnant when she came back. I am kicking myself because just a few months ago I got rid of my perfectly good double stroller. In three months, I will have a newborn and an 18-month old. I am definitely going to need another double stroller.

I wanted to talk a little bit about shared parenting. If you are a foster parent or thinking about becoming one, this is something you will learn about. When we were in our training classes, they told us that when we have children, we need to practice shared parenting, which means keeping the parents in the loop, sending them pictures, updates, asking their advice or opinions on things, etc. My first thought was that was crazy, and I had no intention of buddying up with these parents and asking their advice. If anything, they needed my advice. When we got baby J, and the social worker asked me to reach out to mom and update her on how she was doing, I had this horrible pit in my stomach.

As I made the phone call, my hands were shaking, and I honestly thought that mom would think I was rubbing it in her face that I had her baby and she didn't. She sounded so relieved that I had called, and thanked me for letting her know that her baby was okay. She gave me her email address, and over the next few weeks, I sent her regular updates and pictures. It was definitely awkward for me, and as I told her about all the special firsts she had, doctor appointments, and just little details like how she smiled while she slept, mom started to trust me, and see the love I had for her child. As time went on, it became natural, and we developed a relationship. I was even invited to stay for some of the visitations, and felt very included in the family. I worked extra hard to build my relationship with the family, and when we learned that J would be leaving us to live with her grandma, I was so sad, but so thankful that there was a relationship there. After J left, the family still sent me pictures and updates on how she was doing, and while I missed her terribly, it was not a complete loss. I was even invited to come to a couple of the visitations and see her.

When grandma realized that she could no longer care for J, she told the social worker, "I don't want her to go anywhere but Anna's house. I know how much she loves her, and I can trust her to take good care of her." I can not tell you what that meant to me. Had I not built this trust and relationship, she might not be back here with us now. It can be hard. In our case, wanting to adopt so badly, deep down I felt like I didn't want to share too much, or to be too encouraging because honestly I didn't want her to go back. I had to constantly remind myself that God had a plan, and I needed to stop meddling and trust Him. I needed to share Christ's love with them, and use this opportunity to share the gospel with these people. It was a huge lesson in trust for me, and looking back, I can see his plan coming together, and am so thankful that He knows best! Even if your child is not meant to come back to you, you still have a chance to be in their lives. You still have a requirement to share the gospel with people, and really its such a beautiful opportunity to do so. When most people would be judgmental of the families, you show them love, understanding, patience, and compassion, and what better way to share Christ?!

As far as how long J will be with us, we still don't know for sure, but I think it's safe to say that she will be here at least through October. They have court in October, and we will find out then if they make changes to her permanency plan. Once again, I am having to remind myself that God has a plan, and just trust him with that. Please be praying for us, that I would have more chances to share the gospel with the family, and no matter the outcome, God would be glorified!

Baby J is Back!

Some of you may remember last summer when we got a sweet newborn baby girl, Baby J. She stayed with us for almost 4 months, when DSS moved her to live with her grandmother. I loved that sweet baby like my own child, and it was so very hard to let her go. I have stayed in touch with her grandmother over the last 10 months, and she occasionally sent me updates and pictures. It was evident that she was well loved and being cared for, but I missed her so much! 

Monday morning I woke up to a message on my phone asking if I would be willing to take her again. Grandma had too much going on, and was not able to care for her at this time. I could not believe my eyes. I sat there crying like a baby, and waited all morning to get a confirmation from DSS. Finally I got the call, and I picked up my sweet baby girl that afternoon. This week has been exhausting keeping up with an energetic little walker that's into EVERYTHING, but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

She adjusted so well! I don't know if it's possible for her to remember us, but it was like she did. I was concerned about it because at this age, so many children have separation anxiety, and I thought leaving her grandmother, who stayed with her and cared for her 24/7 would be extremely hard on her. But she is as happy as can be. She is sweet, loves to snuggle, and laughs and giggles all the time. She loves the cat, loves to go swimming, and loves to play outside. The boys have had a blast taking care of her too. We have been scrambling to baby proof the house, because if she can get into it, she will. 

As far as how long she will be staying with us, we can't say. I wish I knew, but I know God has a plan for her, and I am just enjoying every minute that I have with her. Please pray for her family. They are going through so much right now, especially grandma. She had a very hard time giving her up, but because of her current situation, she knew she just couldn't give her what she needed, and made a very selfless decision. I've had a few chances to share the gospel with her. Please pray that God would use that, and that there would be more opportunities, and that she would be saved through this. 

People are looking at me like I'm crazy when I'm out in public with 3 kids, one being a baby, and obviously quite pregnant, but hey, I don't care! I love the craziness of it all. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Another Ending

If you've followed my blog and our story at all, you would know that I'm terrible about regular updates. Life can be so busy sometimes, and I realize I haven't written in weeks, or even months! Sometimes the subject is hard and I just don't know what to say. That's probably more the case here. Last I wrote, K was with us for about three months. We ended up having her for about six months total. She left us about six weeks ago. I think part of my reason for not writing was because I had some guilt about things not working out, and also partly because I didn't want to discourage anyone thinking about fostering. But the reality is that some of these kids are going to be really tough, some of them you can't help, and some of them just don't fit with your family.

Things went great for the first few months, and then it started to go down hill. We had issues that we couldn't seem to resolve, and only seemed to be getting worse, and we felt like she might benefit from being an only child. It was a tough choice, but one we felt would be easier made sooner than later. I still pray for her and that she would remember the things she learned with us, and the things she learned in church, and that things would work out for her. 

If you are considering fostering or adopting, know that these children are going to have some issues, and make sure you get the training to know how to deal with those issues. It is so important. I wish we could have helped her more, but I know that God had his reasons for her brief time with us, and I pray the seeds that we planted would grow.