It has been 7 weeks since baby girl left us. I have typed out this blog posts 5 times, but I never could finish it and post it. When she left, it broke my heart. I miss her more than I could ever express. Even though she wasn't mine, I loved her as though she was. She was the sweetest baby, always smiling. We got her when she was 4 days old, and had to give her back when she was 3 1/2 months old. I was allowed to visit her 5 days after she left, and as soon as she heard my voice, she looked up at me, and wiggled and kicked, wanting me to pick her up. Leaving her that day was even harder than the day she left.
I'll be honest, I cried. A lot. I'm sure I cried almost every day for the first 5 weeks. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed. I kept looking at her pictures and videos, knowing I was torturing myself, but I just wanted to see her so bad. Everything reminded me of her. And knowing she will forget me is almost more than I could bear. Sometimes I don't know how I made it through those first several weeks. Cory was a huge support. He was mourning too in his own way, but he was always patient with me, and comforted me the best he could. I honestly felt like I was mourning a death, and really, it was as sudden and final as that. But the whole time, God was with me. It brought me closer to Him, and I am so thankful to serve a God who loves me and cares for me. I have learned to trust him more, and slowly but surely, my heart is mending. I still get a little emotional, but I am able to think of the memories I have, and it brings a smile to my face rather than tears. She was a blessing to us, and God has His reasons for her being with us, even for such a short time. I will always love her and cherish our memories.
I felt like I couldn't tell this part of our story without giving some closure to the last chapter. We got a call about a girl a long time back. I want to say it was almost a year ago, but I can't remember the exact dates, it might have been January or February. We were instantly interested, and anxiously awaited more details, but things kept coming up, delaying the process, and we either figured or were told that they weren't going to move her at that time. Then a few weeks ago, we got another call about her. She was already in a foster home, so they didn't need immediate placement, but were talking about sometime in the future. Plans kept changing, and on Friday we got a call and were told she would be moved that day. As we waited anxiously for that call, it never came, and we assumed they found another home in her school district, which we knew was a possibility.
My parents and I had been trying to plan a field trip to the Creation Museum in Kentucky for several weeks, and it kept getting put off because we kept thinking we were about to get a placement. So after we thought she had been placed elsewhere, we decided to go ahead and go. We left for Kentucky at about noon on Monday, and arrived at 9 pm. The next morning, we got up, went to the museum, and after being there a couple hours, I got a text asking when I was coming home, because they needed placement now. First of all, it was a miracle that the text even came through. I was in the bottom level of the museum with absolutely no signal. That was God's providence! My heart just about jumped out of my chest. We waited around an hour or two, texting back and fourth, and making sure that they planned on placing her with us. And finally, we got that confirmation. We went back to the hotel, got dinner, packed up the van, and drove back overnight, arriving home at 6 am. She arrived at our house at about 4 that afternoon.
I can't share her with you now, but I'll tell you what I can. She is such a sweet, beautiful girl! She is almost 11, and she is keeping our boys in shape! =) They adore her, and they get along really well. Cory and I were so nervous. She has been through some rough things, and we didn't know what to expect, but she listens well, she keeps her things nice and tidy (maybe she could teach the boys a thing or two) and she is so sweet! She literally fit right into our family like she should have been here all along. She is bonding with Cory and myself, and she genuinely seems happy. She is either legally-free, or will be soon, so I believe there is a very real and strong possibility that we could adopt her one day, although we still have to foster her at least 6 months first. We have only had her 3 days, but already she has been the biggest blessing to us. We prayed about everything and just put the situation in God's hands, and this was the plan He had for us. I am so thankful, and already so very much in love!
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