Foster Parents

It's been a little over a month since we received disappointing news about the child we were pursuing. I still get sad when I think about it, but I'm eager to move on and finally get a placement. When we started the process for Victoria, we thought we were going to have to become fully licensed foster parents. After we started that process, we realized that that wasn't a requirement, but we decided to follow through with it. I'm glad we did, and maybe that was God's purpose in all of that.

We pretty much finished up everything we needed to do for that. We had to do all the paperwork from scratch, redo all of the fingerprints and background checks, and do several home study visits. The only thing we're waiting on is a form from the doctors that we already turned in, but somehow got misplaced. Once we turn that in, that will be the last of it, and our social worker will send our home study off so that hopefully we will become approved licensed foster parents. Once she sends it off, they have 50 days to make a decision, but hopefully it wont take that long.

Another neat thing was about half way through our MAPP classes (foster parenting training) we realized that one of our instructors lived in the next neighborhood over from us, had kids that went to our school, and her little boy was in Ryland's class! What a small world! It was nice to have that connection.

I really did learn a lot in our classes, and feel better prepared to parent an adopted child. I used to think my kiddos are turning out fine, we seem to have this parenting thing down okay. I hadn't considered that what these children have gone through affects the way they respond to everything. Normal parenting techniques might not work. These children might have some very extreme or unusual behaviors, and you can't focus on those behaviors, but rather figure out what need is not being met that could be causing those behaviors, and understanding what they're feeling.

For instance, if a child is hoarding food, that's a good indicator that they hadn't been adequately provided for, and maybe they are scared that you wont meet their basic needs either. So then how do you show that child that they don't need to worry about not getting enough food? By being patient with them, and constantly fulfilling that need until they can learn to trust you. Or if you get a child that was physically abused, and you spank your children. What type of message might that send them? We spank out of love, but do you think the child is going to see it that way? But if you spank your children, and use something different on the child, that also sends a message that the child is different because you're treating them differently. That's just a couple of different examples of things that I hadn't really thought about.

Anyways, I will definitely let you all know when we hear something. Please keep praying for us. This has been a long journey, and we're ready for it to be over!

Grieving Victoria

It all started a few months back. It had been almost 2 years of waiting with nothing to show. Our social worker told us that we had the option of looking at older children on adoption photo listings. I woke up one morning, browsed through sites, and found Victoria, a beautiful 12-year-old girl in Texas. Cory and I fell in love with her right away. She was perfect for our family! All we could think about was having her with us. We felt like part of us was missing, and that she should be here with us.

During our decision making phase, we prayed a lot! We prayed for guidance, and for doors to open. I was prepared for a baby. I had everything except for the car seat. Yet, I didn't care that I had spent hundreds of dollars on diapers, I just wanted her. We started thinking about all of the potential reasons why it wouldn't work out, but one by one, God provided answers. The biggest example I have was our concern for affording her tuition at school. But about three days later, I was promoted at work with a pay increase and tuition discount increase.

We had a very hard time finding someone who knew what we needed to do to start this process. She was in Texas in Foster Care, and we were in NC, approved to adopt an infant. Everyone we talked to gave us a different answer, and our agency had just lost two of their social workers due to them moving out of state, so they were too overwhelmed to be of much help to us. I probably made 50 phone calls trying to find someone that could help us.

Most people told us that we would probably have to become licensed foster parents. We searched for MAPP classes. That's the training course for parenting foster kids. Everywhere we called told us that they weren't having more classes until next year, and it would be a several month course. I was about to give up hope when I made one last call, and found a class that started that very night, and it would be over in 5 weeks. We got in the class, and learned so much!

We finally found a social worker who knew exactly what we needed to do, and she had helped families do exactly what we were trying to do. We spent three months doing classes, updating all of our paperwork, and everything else. We had to get our new home study to Texas before we could even find out more about Victoria. All we had was a picture and a paragraph about her interests. We didn't know what happened to her or anything.

The day before Thanksgiving, our Social Worker over-nighted our paper work to Texas. When they came back from break, they would have it. It wasn't a matter of whether they would accept us, it was when would they accept us. We were perfect for her, and she belonged with us. All of that hard work and paper cuts, and long nights of classes was worth it! We couldn't wait to fly to Texas to meet her.

I got a confirmation email from them saying they had received our paperwork, and just a couple of hours later, we received our rejection letter. It said that the selection committee had reviewed all applicants, and our family was not chosen. It did not even give us a reason. I sat there in shock reading it. On paper, we were the ideal family for her. How had they turned us down so quickly? They didn't even have to think about it! I had to contact them to get a reason. They said it had nothing to do with our family, but a judge had ordered the case worker to find a family in Texas. I don't think they had even really looked at our home study. They looked at our location and stuck us in the reject pile.

While we were in classes, we learned about the stages of grief. And I went through them all. That evening, I was a little sad, but mostly I just felt shock, like it hadn't sunk in. The next morning, I was devastated. I couldn't stop crying, and I just felt like I didn't want to adopt anymore, because it was supposed to be Victoria. Then I was angry. I was angry with our agency, and how they held us up. I was angry that they didn't bother to look at who we were, and the fact that we had just focused the last three months of our lives on working for this child.

I was bargaining. I kept thinking of all the ways I could change their mind. What if I called the judge and begged him to let her come with us. If he heard our story, surely he would know he had made a mistake. Then I was depressed, and all I could do was cry. She was never going to know how much we loved her and wanted her. Older children are so hard to place, and if she never gets adopted, she will feel so unloved and unwanted. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wanted to call out of work because I couldn't seem to pull myself together, but staying home, all I was doing was wallowing in my sorrow.

I am still very sad about it, but my anger has faded, and I've accepted it. We are emotionally weary, but we haven't given up. We are very confused as to what God's purpose was in all of this. Had we misinterpreted His will? Is He leading us this direction for another reason? Is our pain and suffering teaching us a valuable lesson? Where do we even go from here? I hope to someday understand His reasoning for this. I do know that He knows what's best for us. 

I also have to hold onto hope that He has bigger and better plans for Victoria. We never actually met her, but we became so attached, and to us, she was ours. We had made a place for her in our hearts. I pray that she is loved, cherished, well looked after, and that she is adopted.

"He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will." Ephesians 1:5

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Puzzle Fundraiser

I know most of you probably want an update. I really wish I could give you a good one. This month, it will be 2 years that we've been waiting for a placement. We are hoping to have wonderful news to share with you soon, but for now, we are still waiting.

Everyone knows adoption can be a very expensive thing. We have been fundraising through my Etsy shop that is linked on the right hand side of this page. Another fundraiser that we set up was a puzzle. Tonya, a sweet friend my mine, created this beautiful puzzle.

My picture isn't the best, but it says, "You are the labor of my heart, with all my strength I prayed."

I love this idea, and I didn't come up with it, but this is how it works. You can "purchase" a puzzle piece, and we write your name on the back of it. When we get our child, we give her the puzzle, and she will always have a reminder of all the people who were a part of our adoption journey. If you are interested in purchasing a puzzle piece, you can click on the "Donate" button on the right hand side, and donate through paypal. We (or you, if you're local) can also write a message on the border. We appreciate any amount you feel led to give, but most of all, it will be a reminder to her that she is loved, and so many people helped bring her home!

Home Study Update

     Yesterday we had our home study update meeting. We have been waiting for a placement for 21 months now. There hasn't been much to blog about, because we haven't even really heard anything lately. The visit was very short, about an hour long. We talked about the changes that have happened in the past couple years, and updated our information. Debra, our social worker, walked around to make sure the house was still in good shape, and there hadn't been any structural changes. Before Debra had arrived, my father-in-law had called to talk to Chase. Chase told him that we were cleaning up because a lady was coming to see if our house was clean enough, and to find out if we would clean up after a baby.    

      Debra said that in the world of adoption, there are busy periods, and there are very slow periods. I remember when we were first applying with the agency, they were really busy. It seemed like every time I called, they were at the hospital with a birth mother. And then the past two years have been super slow. They've had a lot of women calling for information, but rarely do they follow through with adoption. She said in talking to other agencies, they are experiencing the same thing. It's kind of frustrating, but I know that it's all in God's timing.

     She also talked to us about a couple of other options that we have. We can use multiple agencies in hopes of a quicker match. She also recommended that we let everyone know that we are hoping to adopt in the event that someone we know knows someone that is considering placing their child for adoption. She said it was actually quite common that people find a distant cousin in a different state, or a friend of a friend, and they do an independent adoption, which is actually considerably cheaper because you don't have the placement fee, which is the big fee. If we were able to do an independent adoption, that would save us about $12,000. Basically an independent adoption is where you adopt from someone without the agency as the go-between. There are risks involved in that, but it is usually quicker, with most families finding a child within the first year.

     We've been working on our fundraising. We are doing that primarily through my Etsy shop. The summer has been really slow, but I'm expecting it to pick up in the next couple of months for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last year I stayed busy from October to December, so I'm praying for another busy season. I had the baby room all set up for a while, and I've been using it as my sewing room. I've been running out of room, so I took down a lot of the baby stuff. I was surprised because it made me a little sad. The room has been sitting there for a year and a half, and so it was practical to put it to good use, but I feel like I had worked so hard, and she's still not here.

     We did adopt a cat a few months back. I have been begging Cory for years to let me have a cat. He finally gave in, and I found a hypo-allergenic Balinese cat (related to the Siamese). He wanted to try it out first to make sure it really was hypoallergenic, so we told the kids we were babysitting him for a little while. After a couple of weeks, we decided to keep him. We sat the boys down and told them that Wyatt had a family that couldn't take care of him anymore, so we were going to adopt him, so that he would become part of our family now. They were so excited! He's really a beautiful cat!

     In other news, Chase is going into third grade, and Ryland is starting kindergarten this year! What??! We need a baby now, because his baby status is expiring in like two weeks! It's going to be really strange with him not around. He's my sidekick. He loves to go everywhere with me, even the grocery store. Every morning, we have "coffee snuggle time" (yes, I let my 5-year-old have coffee, although it's mostly milk). I'm sure when I get used to it, I will really enjoy my kid-free time, but for now, the thought of it makes me a little sad.

Fabric Easter Basket Tutorial

Round Fabric Easter Basket Tutorial

I've been wanting to do a tutorial for this Easter Basket I made, mainly because if I don't document it, I'll forget how I did it, and have to figure it out all over again, and let me tell you, the first several baskets I did were not pretty. I kept working on it though, and figured out the best way to do things so that anyone could make it look professional.

Here's what you need: (Dimensions are in inches)

10x22 piece of outer (main) fabric

10x22 piece of inner (second) fabric

2x16 piece of main fabric

2x16 piece of second fabric

A round piece of inner and outer fabric, with a diameter of 7 1/4 inches.

9x22 piece of fleece

1 1/4 x 16 piece of fleece

9x20 piece of very stiff interfacing

A round piece of stiff interfacing with a diameter of 6 1/2 inches.

I know it sounds like a lot, and by the time you're done cutting it all, you'll be sick of this basket, but it'll be worth it, I promise. =) For the round pieces, I literally scoured the house for round items that were the size I needed and traced them. I just happened to have the perfect sized dessert plates. Try to find this size, because I've done the math for you. If you're monogramming your basket, you'll want to go ahead and do that before you start sewing.

The first thing I do is sew the handle. Take your 2x16 pieces, and put them right sides together, and sew with a 1/4" seam allowance down the long sides only. 

Once you're done, turn it right side out. You can easily do this by using a pencil.

After you have it turned the right way, attach a safety pin to your 1 1/4" x16 piece of fleece, and pull it through the sleeve.

Make sure it fits well.  You may have to pull it back out and trim it slightly. It's okay if the fleece sticks out of the ends. We can trim that later. Once it's in place, stitch 1/4" from the edges on both sides. Then set this piece aside.

Next, you're going to grab your main fabric piece, fold it in half with the right sides together, and stitch down the side with a 1/4" seam allowance.

 If you have a serger, serge the edges. If you don't have a serger, go buy one. It will change your sewing life! I bought my little Brother serger on Amazon for like $140. Totally worth it! (For those of you that don't know what it does, it finishes your raw edges so that they don't fray.)

Now this next step makes things so much easier. I take a pencil, and mark the four "corners" so that I can line things up easier. I know I just confused you, so just check out the pictures.

Once I mark the edge (Just with a faint mark on the wrong side of the fabric) I line the seam up with the mark, and then mark the other sides, so if I'm looking at my round basket, I've made a mark at North, South, East, and West. Does that explain it? 

 

Then I take my matching round piece and do the same, marking the four corners. It's helpful to fold it in half like a taco, so you can get the marks even. I made the marks darker on the pictures, so they would show up, but I don't make them that big on the fabric.

Then you take your circle, matching up your marks, and pin it to the other piece of your basket. I use 8 pins, one at each mark, and then one in between each of those. I usually avoid pinning when I can, but I highly recommend it here to keep your circle nice and even.

Then sew around the edges. Sewing circles is one of my least favorite things to do, but if you keep it on the 1/4" mark, and stop every inch or two to make sure your edges are even, it's not too bad. Just take your time, because you really want this part to look good. Just turn the circle as you go.

 Once you've sewn all around, flip if right side out to check all the edges, and make sure there are no holes where your edges weren't together. If it looks good, serge it.

Now we're going to do your inner part. Right sides together, sew along the side and serge. Do NOT put the bottom circle on, that's the very last step.

Turn your main piece right side out, and your inner piece inside out. Put your inner piece around the outside of your outer piece. 

Your right sides should be together. Match up the seams, and using your corner marks to keep them even, pin them together. But don't sew it yet! Check the next step!

Before you sew, take your basket handle piece, and pin it on the basket. It should be in-between the layers of basket, with the raw edges sticking out. Make sure they are sticking above the edges a little further so that they are good and secure.

My purple side is touching the purple, and the pink on the pink. You should be able to pin them on the east and west side marks. Before you sew, flip the inner layer inside the basket just to check and make sure you have your handles are on right. 

Then sew around the edge, backstitching over the handles a couple times to make sure they are good and secure.

If I haven't lost you yet, congratulations! That was probably the most confusing part. Check your edges and make sure you kept your fabric lined up, and if it looks good, serge it. You can trim the extra fleece off the handles if you want. It should look like this.

 Now we're going to do the interfacing. Put your fleece and stiff piece together, with the fleece on the outside. Roll it up, and stick it down inside the basket. My pink part is kind of in the way for the next few steps, so just bear with me.

Take both your hands and stick them inside the basket, and push the sides out to get the lining in there really well, and make the basket nice and round. Take a pencil, and mark where the lining overlaps. 

Take the lining back out, and with a needle and thread, sew the top and bottom corners together, using your traced line to make sure it stays the right size.

  

Before we put it back in, we're going to put the bottom piece in. I like to get it in place, and sew just a little dot on your "corners" to keep it snugly in place.

Then you can put your lining back in, and make sure it’s a snug fit. Try to get the seam matched up with the back seam of the basket.

 I don't like to attach the big lining to the basket. In my experience, if you don't get it in there perfectly, it tends to warp the edges of the basket, and it's harder to get it round. It's better if the edges are sewn together, but not all the way down the sides, and it's able to "float" just a bit.

 Now take your last round piece and match up your four corners, pin, and sew it on. Your edges are going to be exposed, so serge or zigzag stitch it.

Then tuck it down inside, and voila! You're done!

I tied a little bow on the side, but you can decorate it however you like!

I'm hoping I didn't frustrate you to the point of swearing off sewing. Like I said, I went through several baskets before I figured out the best way for me to do them. A lot of the round basket tutorials were "Intermediate" projects, and they were difficult. I feel like, while this is a time-consuming project, it's a little easier way of doing things. I hope you enjoy, and I'd love to see pictures of how your baskets turn out!

Nasty Hobbitses

     Okay, I admit it. I'm a terrible blogger. My last post was December 7th. That's over a month and a half ago. But I'll keep convincing myself that it's okay because I started this blog to keep people updated on the adoption, and there's really nothing to report on that front. I have days where I'm going crazy wanting her to be here already, and then days where I'm content waiting on God's timing. Why I can't be content all the time, I have no idea. People, if you know me, then you know once I'm determined to do something, I have no concept of patience. It's my money and I want it NOW! I'm working on that.
   
     Christmas was good here. We kept it very small this year and that was nice. It was a way to save money, and focus more on the important things. I did, however, complete a project I've been working on for some time for the kiddos. They love to play dress up. And they will use anything. I mean, kleenex boxes for Iron Man's boots, cut up cereal boxes for armor, and scraggly rag scraps for a cape. It's entertaining. Anyways, huge Lord of the Rings fans, and they've been playing Sam and Frodo lately. So I decided to make them costumes.

    I made the white shirts out of a beige colored muslin fabric to make it look rustic. Okay, I'll admit, I didn't make Ryland's. I made Chase's first, and there were just so many buttons... I don't like sewing buttons and button holes, and I got lazy, so I dug through the closet until I found a grungy looking collared shirt.

Then I made the capes and pants. I ordered the rings, leaf pins, and suspenders off of eBay for cheap. Then I made the vests. First I made Chase's with a burgundy fabric, and I did a horrible job. I was really embarrassed. And of course I waited until like 2 days before Christmas (because I'm a procrastinator) and didn't have enough to make another one. Then I found some burgundy corduroy that my mother-in-law gave me. It was old fashioned and rustic looking, and turned out perfect! I sewed a few buttons on it, and made a little welt pocket, because you can't be Frodo without a pocket on your vest! And for the final touch, I found these awesome slippers at Old Navy. The perfect Hobbit Feet! All in all, they turned out great. Only thing was I had to go back and add a pocket onto Ryland's vest because he didn't have one. Whoops.

Aren't they cute? I love how they have their pants hiked up a little too far. In their defense, I think the suspenders needed to be loosened, and were pulling their pants up. Cutest hobbits ever. 

Basically, our elf, Sparkles, every year when she goes away, she leaves them a surprise. This year, they found a present stuffed in the top of the tree, and it was their shirts with a clue to the next item. Can you imagine the excitement on their faces when they got new shirts?! Hehe. But as they got more and more clues, it became more obvious as to what it was, and they loved it. So much fun! So there you have it, probably the most exciting thing over our holiday break.